Having a random hookup so left but love u
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
