This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
