he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
