you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm just crazy horny about you
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
