I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
