sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
