last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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