SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
