I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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