Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
