Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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