do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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