9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
