Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
