you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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