Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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