i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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