Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Randomize
