apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
