I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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