i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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