Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
