I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
