We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
