I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
