hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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