I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
