Me. At least after what I've been through.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
