do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Panties = found
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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