Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Bring me that man meat
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