Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
