one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
