When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Randomize
