drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
