we made out on top of his cat.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize