I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
