My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
