you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
A bitchslap is in order.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
