After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
