i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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