Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
