You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
