Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
