I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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