I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
