I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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