Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize