I just cut my nipple shaving
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
