he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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