I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
