I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
no, he came in my armpit
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
i think i just lost a toe
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
