we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
