I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
