im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
