Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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