he puts the penis in happiness.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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