Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
