I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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