We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
