I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
