Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
