I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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