It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
