he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
