if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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