If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
