with your own penis?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
