I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
