Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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