haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
