I didn't shave. On purpose
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You've changed since you got that strap on
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
