she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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