My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize