I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
