I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
