dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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