as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
