whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
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