nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
