How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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