this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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