K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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