Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I could fuck to npr.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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