Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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