Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
