i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
