we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
