I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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