Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
My pussy is not your playground.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
