if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
