I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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