bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
