What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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