mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
