I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
