youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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