He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize