If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
