I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
