Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize