covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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