I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
