wakey wakey hands off snakey
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
