Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
