I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
