check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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