I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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