if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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