Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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