I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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