I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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