This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
