I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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