I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
