My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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