he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize