Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
