If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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