She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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