Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
