Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
