I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
